Why do I feel embarrassed to use dating sites?

The good old social stigma attached to relationships, dating, and especially online dating never leaves the spotlight even in 2020. Perhaps, it’s the society’s obsession with idealized romantic relationships in general. Or, maybe it’s us who are yet to accept ourselves and overcome our insecurities to take that step forward and join the dating sites to find potential “suitors”.

People who claim they found love online are often laughed at. “You’re kidding!”, “How can you fall for someone whom you have known for two minutes?” is the kind of response you’ll often encounter. Such mockery is the major reason why people do not prefer dating sites to find a partner.

Conservatism

• Societal Constraints

The society has always pre-determined the idea of how certain things should be. Whether its beauty, way of living, or falling in love. Choosing to go against those ideas means ending up facing disapproval, laughter, and mockery. Hence, some people find it better to not join the sites and face societal condemn.

• Social Norms

“Girls don’t make the first move, the guy will need to go down on your knees to confess your love”- aren’t these the unwritten rules of dating? And to think about going against it will have people gasping! Social norms mean neither should you talk to strangers online, nor date them the next day!

Human Psychology

• Insecurities

Not everyone is extroverted or outgoing. Some people enjoy the quiet and the smell of coffee and books. The youth culture today has extreme effects on a person’s personal views and choices. For instance, when people are termed cool for partying and boring when they love libraries, it amplifies a person’s insecurity. For these reasons too, people are inclined to avoid dating sites.

• Deep-rooted Beliefs

For someone who believes in old-school romance, and is constantly found around romance novels, fantasizing about prince charming, and high school love stories, it gets tough to grasp the idea of online dating. While it becomes an escape, it also paints a picture of perfect height, body, and voice, bringing unrealistic expectations with it. This again creates a sense of false “perfection” and makes them doubt their own selves sometimes. They get embarrassed and give in to online dating just because they do not “fit” a certain standard.

“Disneyfying” Dating Sites

We grew up watching prince charming rescuing his Cinderella, the beast falling for Belle, and whatnot! Dating apps have somewhat turned into a medium that keeps idealizing life from Disney movies which do not make sense otherwise. However, the subtle projection of “happily ever after”, “beauty”, and “prince” again makes it impossible for people who do not “match” these standards to join these sites.

Now, Let’s Talk About the New Normal

The  “new normal” breaks conservatism and says you don’t have to give up dating just because your distant relative does not approve. New normal says that you’ll find someone who’ll love books, coffees, and libraries as much as you do. New normal means you don’t have to behave or have certain characteristics to find your ideal partner.

It’s 2020 and society has evolved into a progressive, aware, and highly opinionated fraternity. There sure are some challenges to online dating, but it is also the place where you can “be yourself” and still be attractive to a certain lot. Not everyone loves partying, not everyone is looking for a model to be their life partner, and not everyone is there to casually flirt with random people.

Despite all its challenges, dating apps are massively growing platforms for people to connect, talk, and build a future together. Down the line, maybe you won’t have an exciting story to share, but you’ll definitely be content if you make the right choices.